Desire and Disappointment

Over the past few weeks, I've been learning a lesson, the hard way. I've been learning about contentment, and how I should be content as Paul says, "in any situation." You see, if you'd asked me back at Christmas, or even a month ago, if I was content with our car situation, the answer would have been a big NO! I've been itching for a mini-van for the last year. In fact, last summer, right about this time of year, I was starting to pester my dear Hubster about our inadequate vehicle situation.

Our tiny two seater pick-up truck won't hold both of us and the baby. And our Ford Focus, was a tight squeeze when we put the infant carrier inside. In my mind, it was obvious that we needed an SUV or a mini-van.

Things just never seemed to work out, so we waited on the Lord to provide us with a new vehicle in His timing. His timing came out of nowhere, from behind and without any warning we were left without a family car. We went through all of the stages of grief quickly and then again slowly. The past two weeks have been more stressful and more draining than anything else I can remember. But all of a sudden, I find myself perfectly content with the Focus. It was a great little car and I miss it terribly. I feel so bad for all the times that I complained about its flaws.

I miss the fabulous gas mileage that it had, and the cheapness of the windshield when it had a crack in it. I miss the way it vibrated like a Japanese massage chair when I drove around town. I miss the pre-set radio stations that were carefully programmed for both trips and day to day driving. I miss the security of knowing that it was a reliable vehicle that wouldn't leave us hanging out in the wind.

As a teacher, however, I can tell that I haven't fully brought this lesson home, yet. We purchased a mini-van yesterday. And now, with my desire fulfilled, I find myself still yearning for the car that I had. I know that if I had sold the Focus, instead of having it snatched out from under me, I would be in the same situation, but I would have a different attitude. It's sort of like the difference between getting knocked up by accident and finding out you are pregnant when you were trying to have a baby.

I have to say, that I don't like the accidental version very much at all!

Mickey Dees Freebies

As an anniversary gift to me today, McDonald's is giving away free chicken sandwiches to anyone who purchases a medium or large drink! I must admit that they don't hold a candle to the original Chic-Fil-A sandwich but you know, you shouldn't look a gift horse in the mouth. They're free until 7 pm today.

Hubster took me out to the golden arches for a romantic anniversary treat. We went through the drive-thru line and got ourselves hot fudge sundaes. Ain't we living the high life? Seriously though, after the week I've had dealing with insurance claims and the hassle of finding a reliable vehicle to replace our silver bullet, it was a welcome relief. I've cried myself to sleep over it all twice this week. So, as redneck as it sounds, I really was thrilled to be getting a $1 icecream with my dear Hubby. We joked around and teased each other. And the cares of the past few days seemed to slip away.

It really was sort of romantic.

Counting those chickens before they hatch

After school today, I went shopping for a new minivan. (Insert girly squeal of excitement here). I must say that I have not been so happy, since before our car was smashed to smithereens on Saturday. At first I was pretty disappointed with the selection. I was starting to think I'd have to settle for something ho-drum and bare basics. But then, right as I was thinking about moving on to another pre-owned dealership, our wonderful salesman found a much better minivan that could be squeezed into our price range.

It was heavenly to drive and the clicker will open the side doors and the trunk! How cool is that? There were a few flaws that kept my feet on the ground. Tomorrow we're taking it over to an independent mechanic shop for a pre-purchase inspection. If all goes well, and if our moolah comes through from the insurance company, then we'll have a Mommy-mobile by the weekend.

I'm keeping my fingers crossed, but I have a feeling that there are too many ifs in that sentence!

Sepia Pictures ...

Just for fun...

Bri baby says...

So I was sitting at the computer, reading my Google reader, with Bri sitting on my lap. She was occupied by trying to throw an empty plastic cup off of the table. As she threw her chubby hands in the air towards the cup she muttered some of her regular syllables.

"Blu bluh bluh... da dah dah... bluh blah," she gurgled while focusing intently on the orange cup.

"Mmm hmm...," I replied, absent-mindedly as I scrolled throught blogs I had already read. "Dada. Very good."

"Bluh bluh blah .... ma ma.... guh guh," she continued.

"Mama. Mm hmm... wait a minute. Did you just say Mama? You just said Mama!" I jumped up squealing, and Bri was enraptured. She grinned ear to ear. I twirled her around in pure glee.

It was a priceless moment. One of those perfect, Hallmark card kind. It was beautiful and I'm still glowing! She said Mama!

Furniture Love

When I was a little girl, our living room sofas were a dark chocolate brown with velour stripes. Even then, when such things were fashionable, I knew they were ugly, but I didn't care. I loved those sofas like they were living breathing creatures. When I was sick, I wanted to sleep on the sofa. When I broke my arm, after chasing my sister around the trampoline as a mischievous nine year old, I slept on the long sofa for weeks. And in my mind, cuddling up against it was like getting a big hug.

When my parents sold the sofas (eight years after I broke my arm) at a family yard sale, I was devastated. I had always planned on taking them to college with me. I may have actually cried.

Time passed. I forgot about my sofas. The fancy couch in my parents' living room never had the same warmth. I didn't get attached to it. When I moved out, I found a free couch and gave it a nice home. Then Mr. Citystreams proposed to me, and we started planning our lives together.

The first piece of furniture that we bought, was a $50 yard-sale chair and ottoman (pictured here). We call it the big chair. I'm not sure how I've grown to love this chair so much. Perhaps it was the hours of shampooing and febreezing that I invested in order to get the yard-sale dog's smell out of it.

Or perhaps it was the joyful chore of moving all of our things into that tiny apartment and starting our married life together. Maybe it was a patient bonding that developed as we watched Lilly grow from a tiny whiny puppy to a fully house (and chair) trained dog. Or it could have been the long hours I spent nursing our newborn, while hogging the big chair as Hubster and I watched marathon upon marathon of Friends episodes.

Whatever the reason, I love curling up in the big chair. It feels like a warm hug. When Hubbsy was away at police academy, I often found myself snuggled up in the chair while we talked on the phone. Everything seems better when I sit in the big chair. Life feels warm and cozy. It's better than an anti-depressant!

Pink Bunny Goodness

Yesterday, we had lunch with the best in-laws ever and they brought Bri her baby Easter basket a little bit early. It had the cutest little stuffed white rabbit with "Baby's First Easter" embroidered across the tummy. So cute! And it also contained a box of Peeps and a case of miniature Cadbury eggs.

Since Bri is barely swallowing her mushy rice cereal, we had to put our foot down and tell her that she couldn't have the candy. She was speechless. But it's really in her best interest. She's too young for sweets right now.

After we had resolved that issue, the more serious issue arose of which parent would have to eat the candy for her. Hubster chased me around the house for fifteen minutes trying to steal it from me, but I was sneaky. I found the perfect hiding place while I was running away!

I might save one Peep for him.

Mwah ha ha ha!

dreams and dreamers

A few days ago the strangest thing happened. The Hubster put our Bridoodle down to sleep at 10pm and she didn't wake us up all night! At 5:45 in the morning, I startled awake and leapt out of bed. I couldn't believe that she had slept through not one but TWO night feedings. My heart was hammering in my chest. I sprinted over to her; fearful that she may have stopped breathing in the night.
Instead I found her snoring away in her pack n' play as snug as a bug in a rug. (Sorry for the rhyming, I'm a little delirious with all of this sleep!)

Meanwhile, my heart rate was slowing back down to normal. I crawled back in bed and lay there a little shaken up. After the initial shock wore off, it was replaced by a tinge of sadness. This is the first tiny step of independence, but there will be many more. My baby girl is growing up!
When I imagined what it would be like to sleep through the night again, I never saw this coming. In my sleep fantasy, (if you're laughing at that phrase then just wait until you have a baby ...) anyway, in my sleep fantasy I would wake up with sunlight streaming through the windows and birds singing outside. And then I would twirl around in my nightgown and probably sing a song from Cinderella. The point is ... I never dreamed that the first real night of sleep that I've had in six months would be a SCARY experience!

Ice, Ice Go Away

We had glorious plans for this nice long weekend. Plans that included a fun girly-girl wedding and a two hour drive to my parents' home. I had envisioned us all sitting on the living room couch with cups of hot chocolate while Bri showed her Nana and Papa her latest trick - giggling. But unfortunately an icky cold front has burst onto the scene with lots of icy weather making a muck of our plans. So we canceled our trip. And now I'm sitting here pouting and sipping hot chocolate in front of my own laptop. Sigh.

Wam-Lart

We're running low on diapers and cough drops around here, which means it's time to take a trip to the gigantic overflowing supercrazy packed with people store. I'm dreading it. I was going to go yesterday, but when I saw all of the cars in the parking lot I turned around and drove away. The parking lot could hold five football fields but it wouldn't hold one more car!
I've been thinking about how much I hate going to this particular store and I've come to the conclusion that they should sell 'front-of-the-line passes' like the ones that you find at theme parks. When you purchase a 'front-of-the-line pass' to Wally World you would get a front row parking spot and a buggy that does not veer to the left. You would get a little card that you swipe through a scanner when you go down an aisle and all the other customers would have to move out of your way quickly so you could get to the items you need. And there would be special bathrooms that are luxurious and not smelly at all. They would have an adorable baby changing area that was semi-private and not in anyone's way. But most importantly, after you'd spent all your time and energy finding your buggy full of purchases, you would be able to walk up to an empty register where a very polite person would happily ring you up and let you be on your way. Ahh! Wouldn't that be nice?

Gotta Silly Voice?

At the ghetto-fabulous high school where I teach, we have morning announcements every day followed by the pledge of allegiance. (Which has nothing to do with being ghetto-fabulous but it's my favorite description of our school.) Our students are required to stand up for the pledge because it's respectful but they don't have to say the words.

Now it just so happens that the students I teach in this particular class tend to be apathetic about everything. They're downright boring. They don't ask questions. They don't look at me while I give notes. In fact they seem a little glazed over all the time. You're probably thinking, 'They're just tired because it's so early in the morning.' But I will have you know that last year's class was incredibly talkative and engaging during the same time frame. So it's not that. They're just not enthusiastic about anything. Not even games. Not even working in groups! They'd rather work silently and independently when given the option.

I think they may have been invaded by aliens.

So in an effort to get them awake and responsive, I tend to do wacky things during the pledge of allegiance. Often I will shout the pledge as loudly as possible. But a few days ago I had a spontaneous burst of ingenuity. I said the pledge in my Bubble Voice.

To make a Bubble Voice, you simply take one of your index fingers (preferably the cleanest one) and point it horizontally across your lips. Then you jiggle your finger up and down wildly while speaking. Yes, you can try it. There's no one around. See? It's really fun!

And, I must say, it went over marvelously! They actually laughed!! So now I'm in search of new sound effects to employ during the pledge. What else can I do? Do you have any tricks up your sleeve?

a new view of Christmas

So this holiday season has been very different from years past. First of all, there's a little bundle of joy who feels much more joyful when she's in my arms and that does make it difficult to string ribbon around the tree. And second of all, well, I'm just plain tired! Now, don't get me wrong, I absolutely LOVE decorating for Christmas. But this year it just feels like a chore. And I feel guilty for saying this, but in the back of my head I keep thinking 'You're just going to have to take all of this back down in a few weeks. Is it really worth it?'
Isn't that terrible?

But then I think about how much Christmas means to me. I can only imagine how intimidated Mary must have been knowing that she would be the imperfect parent to a perfect child. I mean, goodness I'm intimidated by being a mom as it is! Can you imagine having to constantly worry about messing up God's firstborn son?

The upside to being a new mom, though is that this year I have a new perspective on Christmas. It's not just a yummy smelling, warm fluffy season filled with pretty cards, cookies and presents anymore. I actually know what it would feel like to have to ride on a bony donkey for hours while pregnant. Yowsers! And I can just see Mary waiting in sweaty agony to hear that beautiful first cry from the newborn baby Jesus after a grueling delivery. Not to mention the fact, that I now wonder how Mary must have reacted to A) all the strangers coming to gawk at her family and B) all the unasked for advice that I'm sure they probably felt inclined to share with her. Personally, I don't think I would have handled it very well if a bunch of stinky sheperd men showed up to see me in the hospital. And, hello? Wise men, or stalkers? I would have been a little freaked out! Somehow, the story just seems so much more vivid now. Almost like I was missing a few pieces to the puzzle.

So, I don't mind that it takes me a little longer to decorate this year. And I'm telling you now that I probably won't have everything packed back up by January 1st. But that's okay. I bet Mary would totally understand. Everything's just harder with a baby!

I heart shoes!

In honor of NaBloShoeMo, a delightful festival of shoe posting during the month of November, I've decided to show off some of my favorite shoes. It was so unbelievably fun to take these pictures! These gold ballet shoes were a splurge but I wear them all the time! The red ones are currently my most favorite favorite shoes. They are so sassy! I wanted to wear them all during my pregnancy but I was afraid with my center of balance constantly changing that I would wipe out and possibly scuff them. So obviously I didn't risk it! Then these little white ones were super cheap on sale. I think they're adorable with jeans.

I must confess that I love shoes. When Hubs and I flew away for our four day honeymoon, I packed an entire bag of shoes. Needless to say, the poor man was shocked to discover that I'd brought more shoes on that trip than he owned!

gluttony

Today I ate a whole chicken speghetti casserole by myself for lunch. It was finger lickin' good. But oh my tummy hurts now...

We're Dedicated Baby!

This morning our families drove two hours to watch our little girl be dedicated to the Lord. An hour before church, the Hubster and I were not sure we were even going to go at all! We were pulling our hair out listening to Bri scream. She would not stop crying and we were very frazzled. I started to think that maybe getting up in front of the whole church with a screaming infant did not sound like fun. No sir! To pacify her, even though it was early we went ahead and fed her and that calmed her down. With much trepidation we left the house and searched for a parking space at church. Ironically we spent more time driving around the parking lot than we spent on the way to church. And as soon as we had joined the other babies in the waiting room, Bri started crying again. Time for a diaper change! So I raced around to the nursery and quickly changed her diaper. And now I was starting to think we would surely be the loudest family on stage. Everyone would look at us in dismay. "What terrible parents!" they would shout to each other over her deafening cries. Yup, I had the whole drama unfolding in my mind as I sprinted back to the line of parents waiting to walk into the church. However, our darling girl was a fabulous performer. She was at peace through the entire event up front. No one would ever suspect that we'd been sweating bullets just minutes before we were on stage. And she was calm during the sermon. And she slept through lunch! It was a miracle :o) And lots of fun too! Mimi and Grandpa were there along with Nana, Papa and Aunt Beth. We were proud parents indeed. And, hey, as long as she behaves in public it's okay if she screams at home. She's already learning to be a good Southern girl!

Milking me for all I'm worth

I've been a milk machine for 11 days now. There's really no way to describe what it's like to have an adorable leach attached to you all the time. My schedule now revolves around her tiny tummy. We wake up a few times each night to fill her up again. Our outings have to be perfectly timed during the day. I have about two hours from the time we finish feeding to the time she starts getting hungry again. So I can run to one store before I have to come home and feed her. I haven't made it very far from home yet since I became a Mommy. Thank goodness our house is near a Wal-Mart. Target however is too far! I can't make it there and back in enough time :o)
These past few weeks have really been a roller coaster ride. Of course my hormones are bouncing all over the map. I've regained my appreciation for chocolate. (When I was pregnant I just wasn't very interested in chocolate. I could easily eat one bite and stop.) And, yet it's amazing how fast my abdomen has been shrinking! Sometimes I'm surprised to see myself skinny again. I still have about fifteen pounds to drop and a very distinctive tummy pudge. But every day I look more like my pre-pregnancy self. And those of you who've known me for a long time will be shocked to hear that I am dying to go work out! We joined a gym and I'm so jealous of my hubby because he's been going every day :o) I hope my doctor will let me go soon.

Learned Something New Today

Have you ever heard of snarking? According to wikipedia and wikitionary the term snark refers to (and appears to be a shortening of) "a snide remark." Snarking is a blogging style that makes fun of the surrounding world. Sometimes the humor is gentle and sometimes it's pretty harsh. Here's one of my favorite blogs (The "Blog" of "Unnecessary" Quotation Marks) to illustrate the idea. She also has a list of more examples if you care to look further.

~Ready or not ... we'll induce next week~

It's official. My cervix has been holding on tight, but if she doesn't let go then I get induced anyway next Sunday! YES! I'm so excited :o) As of Thursday, I was 75% effaced with no dilation. My doctor's going to check me again on Tuesday and if I haven't progressed any farther we'll wait until the weekend. If I'm dilated then I get a ticket to the hospital Tuesday (even better)! So I know she's going to come. I won't be pregnant FOREVER although it certainly feels that way. We also found out Thursday that she already weighs 8lbs. 4 oz. so she's going to be big even a week early! I'm also carrying lots of fluid (borderline polyhydramniotic) but the doctor said it's nothing to be concerned about. Hopefully that means I'll lose a lot of the weight when I deliver.
In other news, my hubby and I went to the football game (at the high school where I teach) tonight so I could see my flag girls twirling. They looked AWESOME! I was so proud. We had beautiful new purple flags (our colors are purple and gold) and they looked so sharp out on the field. The band sounded fantastic! The students (no joke) sat through the whole first two quarters, despite the fact that we were winning and then everyone stood and cheered throughout the whole half-time show. It was amazing. Totally the opposite of my high school days. It was off the chain! (That means "really cool" in today's teenage language). I had a blast!
And as an update to my last post - I went walking three separate times today. I spent two hours non-stop doing laps at Wal-Mart. I really want to have this baby. But no such luck...

Wal-Mart Walking

It's funny how everyone is full of advice when you're pregnant. From the moment you decide that you want to try to have a baby until ... well, so far the advice hasn't stopped coming. And I have an inkling that the pregnancy horror stories are about to convert over to parenting horror stories. Anyway, that's just one of the bonuses of being pregnant. So lately I've been inundated with well-wishers telling me to WALK. This is sort of funny to me because I teach at a huge highschool and my classroom is on the third floor. So I walk a lot every day and I pace around my room while I teach. I'm pretty active. Regardless, the traditional advice for my stage of pregnancy is to "go walking so you can pop that baby out."
Since I'm home for a few days until my doctor sorts out these funny contractions, I've decided to do my walking at big air-conditioned stores in the area. That way I can hold onto a buggy and stroll in semi-comfort. I call this the "Wal-Mart Walk." If the mall were closer I would go there and walk with the regular geriatric crowd, but it's a long drive. Plus I like the buggy idea because it should help me keep my balance. (I've gotten really klumsy lately).
All right then, enough talking about excercise! Off to walk!

False alarm ... again!

All day yesterday I had mild contractions that seemed to run together. I couldn't time them very well. So we finally decided to head to the hospital and see if someone could show us on the monitor what I was supposed to be feeling. The nurse was surprised to see that my contractions were very strong and regular. They were spaced two to three minutes apart. My cervix, however, was firmly closed. So we went home two hours after we checked in. The nurse told us when things got more intense to come back in.
So today I went to school. I was in serious pain for most of the day. I had around 8 different people ask me what they'd done to make me mad. I was grumpy and unpleasant pretty much all day. My contractions kept increasing in intensity until I was holding my breath waiting for them to stop (pain level of 5-6). And all the while I had to field questions left and right while I conducted class. So by the end of the day I was exhausted and my whole body was knotted up. I arranged to have a sub come in for the next three days. And then Hubs and I went back to the hospital. They kept us longer tonight (about 3 and 1/2 hours). They gave me IV fluids (just one banana bag) and rechecked my cervix. I'm 95% thinned out. So basically we're just waiting for the dilating to finish. On Thursday I have an OB appt so she can check me again. Tomorrow I'll spend the day resting and planning for my sub. Looks like our baby girl might come this week!