Pomp and Circumstances

If you've wondered where I've been for the last two days, I've been cramming in as many ceremonies in forty eight hours as is humanly possible.

On Thursday, I went to the hooding ceremony for my medical school classmates. It's the pre-graduation ceremony where the graduates receive the hood that goes over their black velvet-striped gown. During the regular graduation, all of the other health care graduates are there too. That took place Friday. I didn't want to watch over 700 people graduate, I just wanted to see the hundred or so that I know personally, finish the marathon of medical school. So I went to the hooding ceremony.

It was a wonderful ceremony and I was overflowing with happiness. I have a rare, first-hand knowledge of just how much it costs to make it through medical school. Not only financially, but also emotionally, physically and mentally. And let me tell you, the financial costs are definitely the cheapest of those four expenses. Student doctors work their fingers to the bone and they get little to no respect. So I was filled with an honest joy for my friends who have conquered this mountain.

Did you feel a 'But' coming? There were a few brief minutes during the ceremony, when I saw the friend who would have stood next to me. As he approached the podium, I held my breath. They called his name and then the next guy stepped up. I wanted to tap the stranger in front of me on the shoulder and say, "I would have been next. That would have been me." I held my breath a little bit longer and then the moment passed. My friend Katherine stepped up and once again I was cheering wildly, while the people around me looked over curiously. I don't think they understood that I really did know everyone going across the stage. I started saying their names aloud before the announcer called them, just to prove to the people around me that I wasn't just screaming for everyone. Am I a dork, or what?

I spent most of the day Thursday celebrating with my friends. When I went to pick up Bri from daycare afterwards, the ladies commented that I looked really, really good. I told them that I knew I'd better look dang sexy for that ceremony or else everyone would feel sorry for me. I think I achieved my goal.

The next day, Friday, was my awards day for my students. I dressed up in a long black formal gown and gave out awards all day. My kids were eating out of the palm of my hand. Not literally. I knew that I was doing well, when after lunch almost all of my students came back EARLY. My strategy, was to keep the suspense going throughout the period. So I had students volunteer to sing popular commercial jingles. I would call out the nominees and ask for a drumroll. Then just as I pulled the name out of the envelope, I would say "The winner will be announced right after this commercial break!" And I would point to a student, who would jump up to sing the free credit report dot com song. Or the five dollar footlong song. It was hilarious! They loved it!

After a long day of hosting my award ceremony, over and over for each class, I came home, changed clothes, and took the family all the way across town for the band banquet. There I watched my flagline girls celebrate the end of the year. My senior girls gave shout outs to the rest of the class of '08 and they thanked their parents for everything. It was so sweet. I felt inspired to work harder with them next year. The evening ended and we came home exhausted.

So, if you've wondered what happened to me over the past few days, the answer is that I've been celebrating the end of the year with lots of the people that I love. And as much fun as it was to see a hundred of my peers graduate from medical school on Thursday, I have to say, it was much more meaningful to give away the 75 awards that I bought from the Dollar Tree for my kids. And the eighty dollar cocktail reception for the medical school graduates was wonderful, but I really felt at home eating macaroni and cheese at the fourteen dollar band banquet.

The truth is that I was a little nervous when I went to the medical school ceremony. Because, although I love my job as a teacher, I was worried that I would regret my decision. But even as I was holding my breath, I still had no regrets. And when I laid down to sleep that night, I was looking forward to going to the high school in the morning. It's where I know I belong. It's where I'm happy.

how I became a medical school dropout

I've been reading the blog of my swap buddy so that I can look for things to buy over the next few weeks. I'm so impressed with her consistency. My blog is sort of a hodgepodge of ideas that have stewed for a few weeks before they come together. She on the other hand seems to faithfully blog every day or two and sometimes several times in a day. It's been very helpful and I've learned so much from reading about her day to day life. So for those random visitors that might have a difficult time understanding where I've been on this blogging journey I thought I would try to explain it a little.
Here's a summary of my life since 2000.

My husband and I met the summer before our freshman year in college, despite the fact that we grew up in the same town and had many friends in common. We were pretty much inseparable for those four years and we got married within a few months of graduation. He made falling in love a hundred times better than any book I'd ever read. He gave me goosebumps on my arms and butterflies in my tummy. We dated for three months before he ever reached over to hold my hand. I still remember exactly where we were standing on campus. I was wearing a pink poodle skirt and he was wearing a leather jacket and white T-shirt because we'd just come from a 50's style dance. He was the first man I ever gave my heart to and the first one I ever kissed. And he's still the only one in both of those categories as well! While we were engaged I applied to medical school because I wanted to be a doctor and I was accepted. So after we married we moved to a new city. My husband worked full time to pay the bills while I went to school.

And life was bittersweet. I have a hard time explaining what medical school was like. We were expected to absorb huge amounts of information and were examined over minutiae. It was frustrating and depressing. During the two years I spent as a medical student I felt like I was always bracing myself to stand against huge tidal waves. There was a lot of pressure to perform at a certain level. I drew strength from my faith in Christ. It was hard to talk to my friends and family about school. So I found comfort in the Bible (you can see this in the whole first year of my blogging). I finally realized that I was not cut out to be a doctor when my resident (an MD with only 2 years of experience) in Psychiatry showed me a picture of her 6 month old son. She started crying in front of me because he didn't recognize her when she went to pick him up from daycare earlier in the week. Of all the rotations Psychiatry residents have the most time off!! So I was shocked to realize how enormous the sacrifice was going to be for me. This all occurred in July of 2006.

So I opted to withdraw from school in August to think about my priorities. I spent a few months at home painting and taking anti-depressants. And the longer that I thought about it the more I realized that I wanted to be involved in the life of my family. I wanted to have kids and I wanted to be rooted in a community. I decided I wanted to try teaching. I applied for a job teaching high school Biology in November. Then we started working on a family and I started the alternative certification program that allows you to teach while you take classes. My first day on the job was in January.

Teaching was a breath of fresh air. I loved answering questions and explaining new concepts to my kids. I loved watching them light up with understanding. It was a wonderful new world. I'm so thankful that I decided to change directions. I honestly believe this is where the Lord wants me to be but I also believe He let me experience medical school for important reasons. Now we're gearing up for the start of a new year and a fresh batch of students. I'm trying to get my classroom set up and ready to go. And my husband and I are expecting our little girl in September. And that's my life in a nutshell!