thoughtful prose

Today the sky holds promise behind dull gray clouds. I find myself drawn to the open windows. The breezy balmy air feels more like an April afternoon than a December morning. I sit watching the clouds shift into a kaleidescope of shapes and think of the many changes that this year has brought. Most of them have been a like a warm breeze melting my wintery heart. New dreams of being a teacher and a mother have taken root and are flourishing. Our little home is slowly coming together as we stack up the empty boxes. And together we've been dreaming of a nursery and children.

It's strange to realize that I've chosen the Mommy track after all these years as a career-oriented girl. For some reason I feel that I should temper my newfound happiness and contentment. As if I'm betraying womankind for declaring my new intentions.

Women in America today are boxed into two categories. I like to think of them as the early mother and the late mother although the more familiar terms are "family-oriented" and "career-oriented." The early mother spends high school or college planning for her family. She makes decisions about the next ten years based on her future kids and spouse. When she buys a car she'll be asking if the backseats were designed with baby carseats in mind. Her career choice revolves around the amount of time she can spend with her family. In essence her goal is to nurture and support others in her life.

The late mother spends high school and college pursuing her dreams. She has goals and ambition. She wants to conquer the world by the time she's 30 and the moon by 35. She sets out to prove to herself that she can do anything or at least that one thing she's been dreaming of for so long. After she's gotten the corner office or the coveted practice she'll think about kids and a family. The thought of being a mother terrifies her most of the time. But she doesn't want to be completely alone when she's 80. She plans on having kids when it's more convenient.

These two women are the sterotypes of educated society. Maybe it's just me but I think the early mother is usually blonde and the late mother a brunette. One comes across as a softy who depends on her husband for everything. Whereas the other comes across as cold, strong and worldly.

Society applauds the mother who chooses to become a career woman. But the woman who changes from career to family-oriented is frowned upon.